Lauren Krueger & Matthew David Brozik

Eating pizza with a fork?!

In Definally on June 3, 2011 at 10:00 am

Several persons asked Definally. to weigh in on whether it is ever permissible to eat pizza with a fork. (It must have been in the news or something….)

Definally. says: No, one may never eat pizza with a fork. Pizza is meant to be served in slices (usually eighths of the entire pie, although sixths are acceptable), and a slice is intended to be grasped in the hand, folded, and delivered thus to one’s mouth. Even the Queen of England herself eats pizza with her bare hands. (This might not be true.)

Time was, a pizza pie was a simple thing indeed: A flattened and rounded ball of dough covered with a tomato-based sauce and adorned with only mozzarella cheese, then baked. Over the years since the fall of the Holy Roman Empire, however, pizzae have become increasingly complex things, with the possible toppings now numbering in the thousands (and including such nonsensical options as sawdust, molten lava, and pineapple). The more complicated (and heavy) one’s pizza gets, the more tempted one might be to leave one’s slice on one’s plate and eat it with the aid of utensils. One would be wrong to do this.

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